Monthly Archives: March 2009

The Jordanian Taxi Ride : A world of it's own.

I was talking to my friend Abdullah the other day and we started reminiscing his times in Jordan and what he misses the most.  The all too familiar memory of the Jordanian cab driver was on the top of his list and we laughed our asses off for a long time. Most of us who reside in Jordan have heard plenty of stories from “7amoodeh : sayeg el taxi” :P, and they just never get old. It’s like they have this secret “3ar6a” union where they constantly update the old “3ar6a6” and keep the really popular ones.

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I’m going to share some of the many points me and Abdullah talked about :

  • Every taxi driver in Jordan is educated, sexy and is either an engineer or holds an M.D.
  • The first point we discussed was the level of education he holds and how street smart (7ideg) he is, la2eno kol sayeg taxi bil ordon a7dag min el tani, ow kolhom sho3’ol falsafe. For example :
  •                 I’m in the cab with my friend,we both study medicine, and we start discussing today’s lecture on “carcinomas”. The conversation sways back and forth with me and him sharing different opinions on the matter. Suddenly, you hear a voice say “La2, ma atwaqa3 ino heek”. You turn left and right trying to look for that oncologist that accidentally got into the cab with you and it turns out to be our “7ideg” cab driver. I stare at him and ask who he is to share his opinion, and he talks about his five and a half years of studying medicine in Russia, but then “el zoroof” happened, and he dropped out to work on a Mitsubishi.
  •                You’re late for a business meeting and your car suddenly dies. You hurry and take the first cab you can find, get in, and ask him to take you there. You suggest your normal short-cut route of getting there and he speeds off in the opposite direction telling you he has an even shorter way (so apparently a short-cut to a short-cut). You get to the meeting, later than you would have gotten there if you had walked. Bas bidal 7ideg, he knows all the short-cuts, it just wasn’t his day.
  •                 7amoodeh sees a police car wizz by and he swears at the police. You go “lah ya zalameh, 6awel balak”. He begins to tell you the story of when the police tried to chase him and he got away thanks to his superb driving skills and knowledge of the roads. To make it a little more believable, he tells you that he got caught eventually and was issued a ticket.
  • The second issue we talked about was how much of a sex icon he is, and how every girl that gets in his cab wants to have sex with him :
  •                 You’re sitting next to the cab driver, and you’re listening to your iPod. Out of nowhere, he taps you on the knee. You obviously pause your iPod and look over at him, and suddenly he starts talking and says : ” Gabel shway tel3at ma3ay wa7de, agolak,  wa7deh allah men foog be3lam feeha, anoo, o sharafi a7la men Haifa! Galatli 5odni 3ala el ma6ra7 el flani and when we got there she said keef beddak adfa3lak ?! “
  •                 Once you get in the taxi, his phone rings. All you hear from the conversation is : “Allo, aywa, 7ader, inshalla”. He then looks over at you and laughs then says : “Bedha iyani amor 3aleeha ow ashmot**”.  Tab3an it’s probably his mom asking him to pick up bread before he gets home
  • The third thing we talked about was the engineering degree he holds :
  •                The all too familiar phrase : “aa5 aa5, wallah hay el dinya ishi be5arri”. You’re curious as to what’s bothering him (not really you just want to hear something really funny), so you ask him what’s wrong ? He starts off : ” Elli janbak (referring to himself) mohandes 6ayaran men almania, bas el zaman, aaaaa5 men el zaman, ma 3alina, la wein 3ammi ? “
  •                He asks : “  Sho btodross 3ammi? ” You say medicine and he replies: ” ah walla el 6ibb 7ilo, ana mohandess 6ayaran men almania bas ba7ib ashta3’il 3al taxi “.

This conversation started a few days ago and ever since then me and him have just been sharing stories and laughing for days on end. Today after having lunch with the missus, I was going home with this fairly old looking cab driver. On one of the turns, another taxi driver got too close to his car and he yelled out : “Son of a bitch! Fuck you ya!”. I didn’t pay attention cause I had my piercing on and I thought the guy was just trying to tease me by talking english. A few seconds later he looks at me and says : “3ammi nobody in Jordan know how to drive, you should see blad bara keef el swaga.” I nodded in approval and turned myself towards him a little, knowing I’d love the upcoming things to leave his mouth. He then tells me : “Ana konet 3ayesh bi Texas”. I reply asking him what part of Texas and he immediately replies “Houston.” So far so good, up until he starts with his life story. I asked him why he came back here, and as usual, he replied “el zoroof 5al, sho bedak itsawi”. I thought that was it, cause usually it doesn’t go past that. He continued on by ranting : “Ya zalameh I loved her ow a5lastelha aktar min Romeo to Juliet! Aktar min Kais la Lulwa, gasdi Layla. Ya man I loved her and gave her everything. I studied Business Administration at the university of Houston and she studied Law. I met her there, she was my lawyer man, and she fucked me over!” As he said that last sentence I had arrived home, and after paying him left saying “Better luck next time”.

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Please share your stories, I know everyone of you has at least 1 good Taxi story :D, do share.

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Filed under Funny, Jordan, Life, Shmal, Yameen-Shmal