Monthly Archives: October 2009
I frantically twist and turn the knobs on my control panel, my palms sweating like the back of a marathon runner, not sure what year to forward or go back to. A spark I want to rekindle, a memory I wish to relive. A future I long to see, a scalpel I wish to hold.
I remember a simpler time, a time when my biggest fear was my upcoming mathematics test, a gigantic table of numbers multiplied, divided and complexed in a way only God knew was possible. I remember a time of GI-joe action figures, power ranger lunch boxes and fighting over who got possession of the football in my school’s playground. Like I said, a simpler time, when we were scraping elbows and eating dirt.
I look now at a more complicated time, an uglier time. I see friendships no longer being made by sharing candy bars, relationships destroyed by morals unfolded and life stomping the crap out of you. I see bullies not stealing your lunch money, but stealing your dignity. I see people with power, once then your English teacher sending you off to detention, now humiliating you and ransacking you of your dreams. I see competition turn into feuds, it’s every man for himself. I look now and chills runs down my spine, where have I ended up in?
My hands shiver now, setting the dials to 10 years back. I want to kick the ball around, fall on my chin and go to the nurses office, have her stick a Scooby-Doo band-aid on the cut and go right back out only to find it gone a few minutes later, my shirt all bloody from the habit that drove mom crazy, wiping my face with my sleeve. I want to call Hisham, my cousin who I spent hours on the phone with, either copying or giving homework to. I want to call Dina, tell her to get her coloring book tomorrow cause the teacher said we’re going to draw and color in class. I want to fall asleep at 8 p.m, while watching re-runs on cartoon network. I want mom to take me out of my school clothes, the white bloody t-shirt and the grey pants, which I never took off after coming home from school, tuck me in bed and kiss my forehead.
But I don’t press the big red button on the control panel, a drop of sweat now running off my palm and on to it. My life-long competition with my cousin Hisham turned me into his enemy. Dina’s married :). I don’t watch TV anymore. My mom’s back in Dubai, I get to see her twice a year.
I still wipe my face with my sleeve…
I wipe the drop of sweat off, making sure not to press the big red button, and I turn the dials 10 years forward from today. Here’s where I don’t see everything clearly. I see shades of a clinic or a hospital. I see the outlines of a man in a suit. I see a wall with certificates, too hazy to tell the writings. I see people waiting on rugged remains of chairs. I see kids scurrying around, following each other. I see something, yet I don’t see it clearly.
It scares me, yet it intrigues me. It makes me think, believe and have hope yet it makes my hands sweat even more, circles of sweat now form around my arm pits. I feel a bead trickle down my back and pop on the elastic band of my briefs. I feel a rush, a glimmer of light and once again, the button I do not push.
I live my life in the present, as I sit in the time machine looking backward and forward on what could and what can be. I life my life now to the fullest, lessons learnt, feuds put aside, hatred buried and dreams in the making. I work, study, eat and thrive. I play, for Johnny is not a dull boy. I settle my past, now engraved in stone, I cannot alter who I was. I long for my future, yet I think little of it for my hammer and burin cannot draw forward in time.
The light now glistens off my forehead, I wipe away the perspiration with my sleeve. I step out, the red button left intact. The dials read October the 12th, 2009. My time machine will lay at rest, not moving nor going, just lay at rest.
“When you’re stripped naked of all the ties, bonds, relations and artifacts, all that remains is yourself.” – Shadi H.
The complications that unfold as we grow an extra inch seem to grow an extra mile. The hatred seems to exponentiate, the faith seems to disappear. Dreams seem to shatter and wounds don’t seem to heal. The responsibility you can’t bear anymore as the tasks you cannot heave. I encourage you all to lift yourselves up, with nothing and no one but yourself. God created you in his finest image, and unless you’re a conjoined twin, he created you separated from all other mortals. He gave you your own heart, to love with yours alone. He gave you your own brain, to think with it when you can. He gave you your own set of hands and legs, to move yourself in any direction you please. He gave you your own soul, yours to have alone. You can share them all with people, but you can never give them away. At the end of the day, you chose to be content with what He gave you, or miserable longing for someone else’s items.
Mixed ideas, thoughts and memories, thought they’d make for a nice post. Tell me what you think :).
The nature of our souls dictate that we are greedy, and by “we” I mean the entire human race. The majority of us are brought up to understand that what we require in life are the basic needs of a human being, be it shelter, clothing, food, water and air; and we inevitably all figure out the vast difference between a “want” and a “need”. We don’t always get what we want, that’s something we’ve all been through. Whether it’s a physical or an emotional thing, we must struggle sometimes to get it.
I say we’re greedy because at the end of the day, for most of us, “I” am what matters the most. “I” want to be happy and have fun in life. “I” want to build the best friendships, relationships and life. “I” want to have lots of money and buy all the stuff I want. If you shake your head to the above three statements then you’re only lying to yourself. I say that because this post is read by the minority of people in the world, those who are blessed enough to have an internet connection. No, I’m not stereotyping everyone who has an internet connection to be selfish, but each and every one of us has a little of that “greediness” inside of us, it’s inevitable and it’s called looking out for yourself, because at the end of the day we all know that “I” am who’s going to be there for “me” every single day until I die.
This post is not meant to bash any of you, but this post is merely to remind myself of how I once swayed from the real meaning of life and the real meaning of giving. I’ve always looked upon myself as a good and caring person, but that means nothing when I spend a long time reflecting off my depressed and dark side onto all my friends and family. That side of me, you guys shall see no more, and since I’ve been working for the past 4 months on multiple charities, medical projects and acts of kindness I have become a new person with a new view to the world. I honestly barely have time to study anymore! Every day we come up with new ideas for charity events, campaigns, helping others and it feels great to know that you’re being a positive influence on the world.
Today we had an event that we’ve been planning for almost a month now. We held a diabetes campaign to educate and help families from Ramtha, Irbid and Mafrag deal with their children’s diabetic problems. As medical students, our role was to organize the whole thing, and if it wasn’t for a technical glitch (a person who shall remain unnamed) it would have gone perfect. Anyhow, shit happens, and we had to deal with what we had in front of us. We started out at 8:30 a.m. and set up the coffee break tables, the lecture hall, the sign in tables and the goody bags for the children. The real fun started as we moved upstairs to start the blood sugar tests on all the kids, and then send those with relatively high numbers off to counseling. It was awesome dealing with the children and knowing that what me and my colleagues were doing was going to be but a small step in helping them live with diabetes. We talked to families, played around with the kids, gave out lunch boxes and balloons and it was really a blast. Here’s a group photo we took after lunch at our uni:
There’s me (top center) with the kid in my lap and Yazan(bottom left) struggling to keep a kid in his lap, haha!
The world is not an ugly place. We have the power to help others, make others happy and make ourselves happy in the process. If each of us invested a minute of their time a day, to act kindly to others, we’d all be living in a better place. That’s the theme of Leen Awad’s new and fresh idea, that with the help of me, Adib [yes I mentioned your name specifically so you won’t kick my ass, haha] and a few more people is going to spread like brushfire throughout Jordan, inshalla. The idea is basically a random act of kindness that, with practice, will become your way of life. Doing one act a day, for the rest of your life.
The idea is called Project Heal, and you can know more about it here.
Our Facebook group lies here.
“The act of giving.” As much as you have received, you should be ready to give back and more. If you’re lucky enough to know what an ADSL connection is, then you’re lucky enough to be amongst a group of people who have enough health, wisdom and heart to help others.
“Be the change you want to see in the world” – Ghandi.
At the request of my many fans that have bombarded me with emails begging me to sing and play my lovely guitar, I have finally given in to temptation and posted a 1 minute teaser of me playing the song Wonderwall by Oasis.
I swear I’m not drunk but I’m just really bored and I’m trying to make myself look so popular 😀 is it working? Here you go Allouh, enjoy the video:
[Please don’t stop following my blog because of this video, hahaha!]
Although I’m super-supportive of breast cancer patients and their struggle and I even joined the KHCC (King Hussein Cancer Center) in a survey to educate women aged 40+ about breast cancer, I couldn’t help but laugh at the perverted minds over at C&H. Click on the picture to be directed to their webpage where you can see many more insane ideas of the Explosm team.
I write this as I may forget
Unfaithfulness, to whom I regret
A sudden surge, a wave of pain
Alone and stranded in the plain
I stand, my arms outstretched
Reaching, for what may seem
The perfect solution, in my world of dreams
Bottled up, true feelings inside
The cork held tight, the bubbles alive
The pressure builds
The pain regains it’s solitude
Why do you do this
They all ask
Friend, foes and family alike
I answer with not a single word
A sigh I let out
A sigh of pain, relief and anger
A sigh of disgust, remorse and regret
A sigh of strength it may seem
Cover it up and sigh
Up to the surface, I swim and go
Obstructions on every floor
Don’t do this, don’t do that
The friends all roar
You imbecile, I’m all alone
Can you not see what she has done?
Can you not see your darkness come and go
Over spilt milk you cry
Over trivial and simple things you lock your soul
I sigh once more
You don’t understand
Nor you, nor her nor the bottle in which I stand
I put the cork back on, and I sigh
A bubble of sound I make, it pops
The pressure relieved, a new bubble I await
So there’s the way I play stairway to heaven on my guitar
There’s the way Jimmy Page plays it on his guitar
Then there’s this guy : Stanley Jordan
All I can say is I had my mouth wide open the entire time.