Reflections of a medical student: Week 1


My first week as a 4th year medical student is almost over and I am sleep-deprived, exhausted, hungry and confused. Everything is new to me now that I started my clinical practice. This first week is basically 25 lectures covering a whole clinical examinations book. The 25 lectures are spaced out over 5 days where each lecture takes a little over an hour. The lectures are given by mean ass surgeons and doctors who basically don’t give a fuck whether we get the information or not. It’s a whole new experience. Not to mention that I’m now forced to dress formally to the hospital, shirt and tie and what not. Basically the reason I haven’t blogged in a week is because I wake up at 6:30 a.m. and shower, then go to school and attend lectures till 4 p.m. I write lecture notes at the speed of 1,000 words a second just to be able to catch up with the idiot who treats us like we’re actually physicians and require us to know every disease in the world. Fourth year is a busy, busy year with a huge amount of stress and responsibility. Not to mention my oh-so-kind-heart that additionally accepted an assistant research position with a few fellow medical students, where we’ve been working for 3 days on a Breast Cancer survey. Running around all over Irbid getting women over 40 to answer a questionnaire that takes almost 30 minutes to complete. I go home every night at almost 10 p.m, once even at 12:30 a.m. So basically, wake up at 6 and sleep at 11 pm with nothing in between but constant running around and cramming my brain with all sorts of physical examinations I’m going to perform on real patients this sunday throughout.

 The good thing though is, that through this hassle, I have little time to reflect on things that once kept me up all night. Sure, I have some free time but I spend it over with the guys to keep my head far, far away. As I write now, I reflect.

I know how much my posts have been depressing lately, and because of that I shall adopt the same thing I do while in class. When one of my depressing subjects come to mind, I just concentrate even more on what I’m doing (listening and taking down notes in that case) and allow my reflections to lie in my pages.

“I dream of a day…”

I wrote a whole lot more than the above quote, which is just the first 5 words of a paragraph I now flip into my yellow pages. I flip it back with my stained sheets, my letters ink-blotted by tears. I flip it back with my heart, my memories. I flip it back…

It’s impossible for me to fake a mood, be someone I’m not or fake a feeling I feel. It’s impossible, be it through my actions, my writings or my face. When I’m sad you can see it, and when I smile at you or make you laugh when I’m pissed off it’s because I flip my yellow pages again, and revisit them when I want to. I am who I am. I’ll never be a character I’m not, live a life I promised never to live, leave my morals or code behind. I flip it all back now…

Don’t be someone you’re not. Don’t live a lie. Don’t pretend that things are okay just to get through the day, because at the end of that day you’re going to end up alone, regretting that phone call you didn’t make, that offer you didn’t take, that message you didn’t relate. Wake up.

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17 Comments

Filed under Life, Personal, Random thoughts, The start '09

17 responses to “Reflections of a medical student: Week 1

  1. Loved the last couple of paragraphs.
    Good luck in your studying… and your life.

    BTW, is it as fun as Scrubs show it? :p

  2. Thank you for loving them. I’ve realized my best writings appear when I least mean to write.
    Good luck with your studying too, and that “thing” you have coming your way too 🙂 if I interpreted your blog correctly that is :P.
    Haha, it is actually fun, through all the seriousness, we always goof around even with our doctors but it’s really hard work. I need to show you my notes 😛 I now know why doctors have TERRIBLE handwriting, haha!

  3. Bashar

    its really kinda depressing .. bt this is the way we live these days 😛
    bs wallah 3ajabni el maw9’oo3 !! gd job man .. 🙂

    w gd luck bhal 3 weeks el jayyeen !!

  4. it feels like yesterday i was a medical student starting my 4th year. The beginning of that year was terrible, very stressful and annoying. Anyway time will fly by , you’ll be alright as long as you try to do the right things. There are many many things that I hated about my med school experience, but you’ll be alright… and you’ll be sleep deprived quite often. Add to that: way underpaid

  5. KJ

    Take a voice recorded to your class man. Trust me!

    As for the notebook, a memory is strictly a piece of information, and it is you who gives it emotional value. Try to find a way to make these memories not as depressing, or in the very least, consider the happier majority rather than the inheritly depressing minority

  6. Full schedules, lectures, labs, researching, surveying, fooling around… *sigh* I miss university days!
    Stop bragging about your life now, You’re making me feel bad :/ I want to work my ass off too :(.
    And I know you won’t accept living your life any other way.
    You can rest anytime all your exhaustion will fade away but accomplishments, knowledge gained even lack of sleep will always be something that makes you feel good knowing that you engulfed life and you’ll look back and smile :).

    “It’s impossible for me to fake a mood” that is what’s fascinating about you 🙂
    Never let the system gets into you, and never suppress emotions, even depression… you don’t want to fill your soul with clutter.
    Be thankful that you can feel depression because you can never understand happiness otherwise. Those who refuse to feel negative emotions, try to run away from them, hide them… can never feel positive ones. Their emotions will be superficial hence their lives will be just tasteless.

    Enjoy your studies man! Medicine rocks 😉

  7. The Bff

    First off let me congratulate you for accomplishing all that you have done in the past four years and for finally wearing decent clothes.
    As your BFF I’m more than happy to look up to you as an inspiration for me to do better, for me to become the man I want to be.
    I can’t say I know what your going through because I honestly don’t, but you can always turn to the people who care about you the most. So keep doing what you’re doing, keep pushing yourself forward, we’ll all be here at the finish line waiting for you =)

  8. As a new graduate from med school , I gotta tell you this..4th year was the hardest year in all 3 clinical years , you have to work extra extra hard, and believe me it will be worth it later on..
    It’s the base of everything that u will learn later on.. so it is hard now , but it will feel good as u graduate knowing that u worked ur ass off to be who u are 🙂
    Good luck!

  9. at these times, the best I can offer you are the words of the prodigious singer محمد وهيب, when he said:
    غيمة و بتروح….يا حبيبة الروح
    بكرة بتحلوّ بكرة بتحلوّ
    و بيروق الجو

    therefore, suck it up you whiny ass cry baby. at least you chitchatted with women about breasts! 🙂

  10. Wa3d

    You are a 4th year medical student ?!
    *dies of jealousy *
    as to your depressing thoughts well when you look back at them after some time their meaning depends on what you attach to them .You can keep them as the once depressing thoughts or simply look at them as experiences that you passed through in order to grow into the person that you’ve become !

    loooool @ Garfan’s comment hahaha I wanted to participate in that survey but I couldn’t !

    Good luck with school and life =)

  11. Bashar: Thanks man 😀 good luck to you 2.
    Hareega: Your words are extremely inspiring 😛 thanks for lifting my spirits, haha!
    KJ: We already have a medical group that record and write out all the lectures, it’s mostly where we study from aslan. My memory book is stacked under a few good books now: Blankets, Khalil and MacLeod clinical examinations, haha! I flip through it every now and then to the good yellow pages.
    Zeina: Awal ishi wale, I’m not bragging about my life! I’m bitching about it >_> cause I’m getting exhausted! Tani ishi, imbare7 we were THIS close to getting a goat, hahaha! BTW,sorry I didn’t reply to your text bas I don’t have credit :(. The rest of your comment ba7keeki online and I’ll tell you about it.
    The Bff: I used to dress decent >_> ish…hahaha! I’m just as proud of you as you are of me bung hole 😀 back to A’s and with that hot chickita by our side, you lucky bastard! Mpwa! Miss your ass.
    Citizen.N: Thanks dude 🙂 I know it’s the basics to everything and that’s why 6 days out of 7 I study my ass off memorizing and practicing everything :).
    mab3oos: Very inspiring words. Yes mab3oos, speaking to 40+ year old women and saying the word “ثدي” every 5 seconds was really a turn on for me. [I did interview a girl with the Zain fun team though :P, but that didn’t count I did that for fun, haha!]. I shall suck it up :D!
    Wa3d: What do you study? Ow ween? Ow leesh ma sharakte bil survey? Shaklek sanfooret 6eb :P. Thank you. Ow for your middle part refer to my reply to KJ :D.

  12. Wa3d

    Excuse me ! Who are you calling a sanfoora ? loooool I am third year medical student at JU =D Couldn’t do the survey thingy coz knt msafra and I found about it late aslan lol
    We should introduce Jarjous to the new genre of creative writing : medical sheets lol

  13. Haha @ medical sheets 😛
    Third year ma3nato ba3dek sanfoora bil nisbe la ta5asosna! Lisa warak systems ow katha..
    You part of Operation Smile by any chance?

  14. Wa3d

    Nope :$
    I have a bumper sticker and a piece of flare though lol

  15. You guys over at JU are just terrible *shakes head*

  16. Wa3d

    I hate to admit it but yes we are I am working on it though ! trying to work with IFMSA people lol

    Do u sit in the Jara booth on Fridays ? coz I saw someone with a bushy hair do there once =P

  17. Your IFMSA people are also bull. We’re heading the JMSA group and we’ve done tons of stuff already. Boo Hoo, Jay You :P.
    Yeah I worked at Jara for 2 months, bas only the first 4 times kan 3andi the afro 😛 then I took it off.

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