It’s been a few years since I’ve written you a letter, and even though I know this will probably get lost in the mail by the incompetent postal service in Jordan, I’ll take my chances. This year Santa, assuming you exist, I want nothing at all for me. I’m tired of being selfish and asking for the new GI Joe, the new Playstation and the new Game Boy. This year I want something for someone else. This year Santa, I want you to take your flying reindeers, including that red-nosed one…what was his name again? Roofus? No, no, Rudolph, yeah, that’s his name. I want you to take your flying reindeer and give my toys to children of need. I want you to take my toys and give them to the kid who can’t afford 15 piaster plastic slippers, so his feet have adapted to the rough terrain, they’re harder than rock. I don’t need your gifts anymore Santa, I don’t need anything.
Santa, I have a question to ask. How do you get all your gifts across the world in such a short period of time? Are you really able to do that, or do you just lie and give gifts to those who can tell of your story? Disregarding the family of 6 children, all covered in the same blanket, peeking at their dusty chimney pretending to sleep, only to be disappointed that you don’t arrive. Disappointed or have they grown accustomed to your absence, your in-existence?
Santa, do you really like milk and cookies? Are you fat because you’ve devoured so much of our milk and cookies? Is that all you eat or do those extra calories once a year define your waistline? I’m wondering because I have to ask, since you have enough fat on your body to keep you warm and keep your hunger satisfied, why don’t you save up all those cookies and all that milk and feed those starving kids in Australia Africa? Assuming you only give gifts to the houses in China, that’s 1.5 billion people. Divide that by 3, since every household can have a maximum of 3, that will give you…umm…1,000,000..2,000,000…….35,000,000. Damn it, I don’t know Santa, but that’s a lot of cookies and milk!
I’ve been both naughty and nice this year, but that’s not why I’m not asking for presents. I’m not asking for presents Santa because Christmas presents are for children, and I’m all grown up. I’m all grown up but there are kids my age who are convinced chocolate is the devil, because their parents can’t afford to buy it. There are kids who have those big, football sized bellies, I’m no doctor but that isn’t really normal now is it? Oh wait, how about the fact that they’re not wearing anything. Or the fact that the closest thing to rice they get is the rice-diarrhea they get from their “neighborhood friendly”, Malarial infection.
Santa, I hope you don’t get me wrong and I hope I didn’t hurt your feelings when I called you fat fluffy. I just want to say again, that all I want for Christmas this year Santa, is a big box of change.
One more thing Santa, are you affiliated with Jesus at all? Or is that long hair just a coincidence?
P.S. If you happen to receive this letter, do pass on some cookies to my local Postal Service.
Merry Christmas everyone 🙂 enjoy the end of the year with your friends and loved ones. The above letter is a very subjective one, so feel free to interpret it in the many ways that I’m sure you will all have, and feel free to share your interpretation down here in the comments box. Cheers.