My inner child – Writing III

I’ve been going to the ER a lot lately, learning everything from how to suture patients, to Glasgow-Coma scales, to how to handle situations under pressure. We had a patient fall dead last night, when I was there after 2 AM. He came in with a cardiac arrhythmia and didn’t respond to shock. It wasn’t the first time I see a patient drop dead in front of me, but for some reason it made me think of how little appreciation we give to life.

Look around you, let the closest person to your heart pop into your head. Now imagine him dropping dead right in front of you, or in the room next to you. Imagine his very existence wiped from the universe. His soul begins to disintegrate into thin air. His body lunch for our friendly earth worm. His mind shot into a trance of, wait, nothingness? He’s supposed to float around waiting for the armageddon? Seriously?

We take our friendships, our relationships and our very own existence for granted every single day. I’m not talking about what we’re blessed with and I don’t want you to google Somalia. I want you to look inside of you and ask yourself the following questions:

  1. Who am I?
  2. Why am I here?
  3. What does being alive mean?
  4. Do you believe in a God?
  5. When you die, what happens to you?

Many of you will struggle from question number 1, and realize that many of us do not know our own self. Some of you will have no problem answering who you are, but will fall short of the answer to why you’re here. Why are we all here? Our purpose, be it constructive or destructive, means what?

When you’ve passed those questions, ask yourself what’s going to happen when you exist no more. Can you imagine your inner self, the person reading this, not being able to sleep on your bed, walk to the supermarket, or even use a laptop. Can you imagine your ability to exist be taken away from you? Do you truly believe you’re going to die and become a pile of patience to a road to paradise? A place where everything you need is handed to you on a silver platter? Or do you believe God, the almighty lover of human kind, is going to burn the fuck out of your skin and bones because you chose to disagree with a few of “his” 10 commandments?

How often do we get the chance to discover ourselves, on our own. Meditate into a world of the unknown, seeking our true purpose. We are not droids sent to work, eat and get fat waiting for the day that atherosclerosis clogs up a major artery and we drop dead, we are more than that. I don’t think I’m going to die and then wait 1,000 years while my energy, my soul floats around aimlessly killing time by doing nothing at all. If that’s the case then we’re all going to suffer really bad before we meet his holiness.

When was the last time you thought about what you did, who you are or what your purpose in this life is? If you haven’t try answering the above 5 questions properly. Tell me down in the comments what you answered, I’d love to know.


Filed under Oh my Philosophy, Struggling with the unknown

15 responses to “My inner child – Writing III

  1. Nobu


  2. Ola

    As a believer I think I have all the answers to these questions, for as a Muslim it’s basically answered by this:

    “قل إن صلاتي ونسكي ومحياي ومماتي لله رب العالمين” صدق الله العظيم

    I always remind myself of this, and I know for a fact that if it wasn’t for my faith I would’ve been a different person who’d probably give up to the trivial temptations of life and doesn’t feel the need to care for much in the world. My faith teaches me that I’m here on earth for a reason and that this life is a journey in which I must try and do as many good deeds as I can so that when I die I will, in sha’a Allah, go to a much better place than this, which is I think is the answer to your last question.

    For what it’s worth I do imagine sometimes that I have died and imagine how it would affect my family and friends, and I’d cry like a baby! I thought it was sick but reading this now I think it’s somehow normal

  3. This is exactly the response I hate getting. Ignorance is not always bliss, and for me to say I’d wait and die to find out what happens and why I was here in the first place is kind of pointless to me. “Allah a3lam” is what everyone uses for what they don’t know, what they fear.
    Performing good deeds is not attached to having faith at all, being a good person comes from within you and doesn’t depend on whether you pray 5 times a day or once a week or never at all. If you’re a good person, you’re a good person. You don’t have to kneel down to prove it.
    Dying is always painful, but always accompanied by God’s will, so it makes things easier for us. God’s will or not, it’s not easy to lose a loved one.

  4. These are the typical questions asked by philosophers/thinker…I’m a believer like Ola, but I do ask myself these questions on a regulr basis.

  5. You just came in and commented saying you ask yourself. I was curious to know the answers you came up with.

  6. saying that I am a believer like Ola, you should be able to conclude my answers.

    I didn’t take them for granted, I took the effort and searched and did lot of homework…I’m still doing lot of homework. But my answers are the ones you can predict/conclude.

  7. Are we banned from discussing religion anymore?

  8. I am still on the path of finding out the answers to every single one of those questions. Every single one of those questions constitutes a section of study in philosophy.

    And every single one of those questions has been asked not once, or twice, but millions and millions of times by humans of all levels. They have been asked by great philosophers and also by the guy or girl next door.

    The reason our answers differ from each other as humans is because we as humans seek to find peace and self security in any way that is offered. Any way. Be it religion, which promises us that earthly life is merely a journey in which we will be tested and then be rewarded with an amazing afterlife. Be it philosophy which has sought to provide answers based on logic and common sense, where one big example is Rene Descartes who conjured up a magical answer to question number three; “I think; therefore I am.”

    I also personally believe that me, my thoughts, my beliefs and my ideas are personal property. If I am asked about my personal property, I answer, with honesty and little fear of the taboo. But I never force my ideas down upon the throats of people who believe otherwise.

    I totally agree with you on the notion that a person is good and can do good deeds with or without his religious perspective on life. I usually debate this with many people who argue that religion is the source of all good on earth, and that without religion and it’s rules, we would be living in a barbaric, inhumane society. My answer usually boils down to: have you ever heard of Hammurabi the sixth King of Babylon? Have you ever heard of Hammurabi’s Code?

    This debate has been going on for thousands of years now. And I say, let the debate continue.

    Oh and before I forget, beautiful the post Shadi.

    Faris Ayyoub

  9. Ola

    Shadz, I didn’t say I don’t know what will happen after death, I said I’m a believe, not an agnostic! So, on the contrary, we know in details what will happen after death but what I don’t know is that I can’t judge myself for sure, I might think I’m a good person while I’m hurting other people so I can’t say for sure whether I’m going to heaven or to hell.

    You’re free to believe what you want but I think every person has tendencies toward good and evil, and praying 5 times a day isn’t only about kneeling, it’s about keeping that bond with God, staying in touch with your spiritual side. No one is born and deemed to be good or evil against their will, we have a choice to make

  10. Dear Faris,
    Awal shi I loved your response, and I know why you replied in the manner you did. Great minds think alike. Tani shi I am very familiar with Hammurabi’s laws since high school social studies and have used it many times in my religious debates, to no avail.
    The reason I find people stop debating is because they settle, not because they’re dissatisfied with debate. They’re weaker then those said “philosophers”. The problem is, each and every one of us has a philosopher inside of him, it is the truly brave that unleash his maximum potential.

    I find it hard to believe that you’re sent to Earth on your humanly quest to find out what choices you make in life and then die, wait for thousands of years for the Armageddon to occur, and then get judged. Seriously? Can you imagine Ola ceasing to exist for thousands of years to be judged based on a mere fraction of the age of this earth?

  11. shadz,
    If you put it that way it sure will sound strange, but things are not like this, you can’t take spirituality ad religon at face value, it’s a very deep subject

  12. Haven’t read your stuff in a while Shadi, I love this post.

    It IS painful to see someone close to you dead or dying infront of you.

    Who am I?
    I see myself as an artist and a great friend

    Why am I here?
    To leave an artist’s print on the world and have a legend after I die

    What does being alive mean?
    Being yourself, and doing what you wish to do, even if it’s the dumbest thing ever.

    Do you believe in a God?
    I beleive in spirits and a greater being somewhere among us, so yes.

    When you die, what happens to you?
    Your heart stops beating (hahah bad time for joke? okay sorry >.<), your energy returns to the Earth, and your spirit does whatever, but you leave a trace on other people and earth.

    Call me immature, but I really like to believe that the soul breaks out of the body and roams the planet to be born again later. No I don't believe we get tortured in graves nor spanked by angels, and I don't believe in heaven nor hell, but I believe in dying happy and doing something in your life.

  13. I’m a creature, as wide as this word is. I’m a spirit enclosed in a body with an expiry date, and an extremely sophisticated organ called the brain that is perceptible as an organ yet imperceptible when it comes to memory and how thoughts, senses, emotions… are conducted!

    As a creature I’m bound to communicate, relate and pay attention to the surroundings and other creatures, whether they are fellow humans, animals, plants, any of the four elements even still and dead objects…
    Existing must be seen from both sides, what I’ve accomplished being here (the part related to myself) and what &how I affected others while being here! Those 2 entities are interlinked since doing something to another creature (whether it’s positive or negative) affects me.

    Life is complementary, and all creatures depend on each other! Ecology 101! 😛

    Being alive means I use most, if not all, of what I’m offered by nature, trying to maintain or restore its balance at the same time.

    That remains a theory, or how I consider our perfect existence should be like.

    But why I’m here? Why me in particular?! Why do I think this way? And why I’m here on Earth or why I’m here in Lebanon? Why I belong to the Masri family? Destiny?? Are we destined to be who we are no matter what was our choice?! Are our destinations written already and we choose the route to get there?? Or even the route is set and we live in the illusion that we choose?

    Do I believe in God?!! I believe in the creator, my naive brain refuses to believe that this whole system -our bodies, organs, cells…everything on this earth- with its imperfections was due to some sort of an explosion! But then again it’s said we are created from dust! And when we break anything to its most simple components we have solely atoms and chemical reactions!!

    When I die, and if I feel with my senses, logic says that I won’t feel a thing once my body dissolves! If my soul will roam the universe, would she feel anything? What is a soul in the first place? Does our soul remember who we were and have we done?

  14. Cool questions, and I know the curiosity they generate unless you find a satisfying solution! Now let me tell you a couple of things:

    The idea of a God who created me to punish me in hell or reward me with a paradise is very strange! I remember when they used to teach us those principles in school, we used to ask them if God is all knowing and stuff like this why would he sent us to life?! I mean he can tell who is bad and who is good?! They stupidly used to tell us: God want to prove it to you that you deserve hell and someone else deserves the paradise! In this very last answer you can pick a very stupid idea about God! HE CREATED US FOR THE SOLE PURPOSE OF PUNISHING US! Is this what an all might would like to do? Really?

    He gives you a brain and tell you go down to life, I am going to send you stories that are not logical at all, and that your brain can not handle, but if you do not believe in them then you will be punished?! Really?!

    We are just a higher type of apes! Look at Kanzi, the bonobo, and you will get my point! What happens when you die? Actually when you waste your time thinking about such a thing, you are killing your time, it does not matter at all! After life, or seizing to exist, guessing can not help you! Just live your life, because the time when you know the answer will come, sooner or later!

    Look for a video for a guy called Richard Feynman talking about how he perceives life! He is one of the greatest physicists that walked on Earth!

    According to Biology, you are here to pass on you Genes to next generations, genes are using you! Everything is weired in your brain! What do you think people in the past who found themselves “able to think” would think about themselves? No real answers, so it is philosophy or religion, but now a days, it is science my good friend! Science tell it all! So your thinking ability was just away that gave you the chance to be among the elite 1% of all creatures that lived on Earth to be alive right now!

    I am not an atheist, but I am having hard times in believing! Honestly, do not we deserve a prophet these days?! Those are one of the worst times in life for believing!

    Look for a book called التوراة جاءت من جزيرة العرب you will be shocked when you read that book! I did not answer your questions! I am just trying to tell you that it does not matter to answer them! Move on, and forget! Liberate your self! You are the only one that can! And liberty is getting over those questions! Find your way out! You will am sure!

  15. شكرا لك


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