I just had the most annoying argument with the most annoying female in the blogosphere! She banned me from her blog after losing a battle she clearly wasn’t ready to start in the first place. If you’re REALLY bored and are ready to read a REALLY long argument, click here.
Category Archives: Bitching
I got really pissed off today as I parked outside Zara Center after an amazing lunch at Chilis (it’s actually not bad seeming it’s still new), when the girl at the front desk at the movies told us that “The Hangover” was banned from Jordanian cinemas ! I’ve been holding out on buying the DVD (the ripped version of course) for a whole month now, even after hearing amazing reviews on it as being the most hilarious thing since Jim Carrey. The even bigger disappointment was the fact that she told us that barely 2 minutes were taken out of the movie ! Just 2 minutes of X-rated scenes and they ban the movie ! Give me a facking break :@ !
What I really don’t understand about Jordan is the fact that these movies (The Unborn, The Hangover etc.), are all previously marketed like crazy and then suddenly get chopped off the schedule ! You want to ban the movie don’t get us so overly excited about seeing it in the first place, then wait until one of your lazy ass administrators decides to chuck it out the window. Bastards ! If anyone knows the policy behind the nonsense that occurs here, please tell me.
My latest movie suggestion : I Love You, Man. I literally laughed for the entire length of the movie ! If you want an amazing laugh, go for this one.
I know everyone goes through this at a point in their lives, but I know it’s different now, with me, because it’s not a phase, it hasn’t only been a few days, it doesn’t feel like it’s going away any time soon. So when is it normal? And when does it get too much? When do you just give in? And when do you fight back? I have no clue what to do, I’m not even sure I should be doing anything.
I am losing track of time. Sleeping in the daytime and staying up through the night, sometimes even for an entire day and not even knowing it until my phone rings and it’s time for me to shower (which at the time would be very important since I’d stink by then) get dressed and go to my lectures. I am falling asleep during studying, during working, sitting, even once while at a restaurant. Gaining weight. Getting lazier by the day, not getting out of bed even at times when I was so thirsty I needed to drink water. Not wanting to do anything, not wanting to see anyone, just not wanting anything. Actually yes there is something I want, I want to just sleep and wake up in a month or so. I’ve always wanted to do more, be more, be someone. Never wanted to just study and that’s it, always felt like that was the most normal thing ever, the least expected thing from a person my age, I always wanted to do more, and now I’m barely doing what I’m supposed to be doing. Home works – late and probably not complete, projects – late and stupid and not me at all, exams – not finishing the material and probably starting the night before the exam. No life at all, and when I get the chance I am so not in the mood, if I stay at home I’d sit and watch meaningless TV and not even care to change the channel when I want to watch something else. If I go out when I have a bit of time then I’m always angry and hysterical and wanting to go home early.
Always mad, always angry, always feeling like shit, not because of one thing in particular, just mad at the world and everything in it. Yeah I know what you’re thinking, I should be mad at myself, and I am, but I’m more or less blaming it on the world :D. One thing that is easier for me than for other people might be the pretending. I’m not saying that I’m the kind of person who pretends to be someone she’s not no, but I learnt a long time ago that what’s inside should be kept inside. Emotions should be stepped on in order for the person to survive on this planet with these people. And so I don’t think many people know of this, God forbid you go to university with a frown, or even better without a smile, for you’ll hear all kinds of things. “Dina shiklek mish 3ajebni il yom”, “Dina sho fi? Malek ishi??” eh! I am entitled to not be all happy jumping up and down for the sight of these people I have to deal with everyday. I think this kind of pretending is ok, not like the other kinds at all. I hate the other kinds, I think you have to know 10 people to find one who is not a pretender. One pretender likes your shirt, the other loves your project, the third one adores your necklace and the forth cares why you’re not coming to “Bus Tour”, because you know I’d die to see Tawfiq Al Sa6el or whoever it is.
I get sooo pissed at times, I get told that I let such things get to me more than I should and if I get pissed at stuff like that all the time then I’d stay pissed my entire life. I don’t care if I stay pissed, I think I’m starting to not care as much anymore, the attitude of 5osho b6eezi is taking over me. My laptop got stuck and turned off and restarted and did all kinds of things like 5 times already while I was writing this, some time ago I would have smacked it on the wall and jumped up and down on it, or at least swore at it and called it every bad word I knew. Nowadays I’m just out of energy. I just turned it back on every time and retyped the part I lost since I saved last.
I wonder sometimes if this it how it’ll always be, because maybe I made some bad choices in my life, or maybe some bad things chose me, or maybe this is how things are and that’s it. Sometimes I hate it, I fight, I try, I plan, I think, I want more. But most of the time, it’s me giving up, letting go, going to bed, waiting, waiting for the change to come on its own, oh how good we are when it comes to giving advice to other people, and how bad we are when it comes to giving that same advice to ourselves.
See you soon
Living in Jordan has it’s ups and downs, and lately for me it’s been more down than up. Sitting in my bed right after my 26th driving lesson (mishan allah 5alas bikafi lessons I want my damn license!), I was just thinking of all the different things I miss whether it’s from a younger age or from my present life. Here are some of the things I really quite miss :
- I miss being a kid, responsible free.
- I miss mom, and the warmth she used to bring.
- I miss high school.
- I miss Jordan, or how it used to be.
- I miss Yameen :(.
- I miss my older brother Abe, and how his laughter used to fill the house and the streets. (Yes, he was THAT loud).
- I miss my friends, my real friends. Mostly my best friend Joshua and his stinky farts and loud burps and embarrassing situations he used to put us in.
- I miss playing the guitar and learning new songs on it.
- I miss running with my iPod for hours on end.
- I miss Cotton Candy.
- I miss stealing money from my parents.
- I miss studying for the knowledge and not just to pass an insignificant test.
- I miss playing basketball every single day.
- I miss my 5 hour late night phone calls with her.
- I miss drawing stuff.
- I miss not being miserable all the time.
- I miss not fighting with everyone and everything.
- I miss being Shadi.
It’s 1:10 and I am fucking bored ! I’ve been studying all day and I’m sick to my ass from this God-forsaken course called Medicine ! Who the fuck in their right mind would chose a major where studying is eternal ?! WHO ?! I’ll tell you who, idiots like me who want to make the world a better place, and for what ? As a doctor I have to solemnly swear to treat anyone in need of medical attention, with no preferences to likes or dislikes. Basically that means I could actually treat the person who would later on try to stab me in a dark alley. I don’t usually have a negative view towards my course but I’m just so pissed off at this system of studying that I don’t fucking care what I say about it! Studying medicine in Jordan is a fucking crime! The first 3 years of studying are basically sitting at home and memorizing written lectures. I’m supposed to grow up to be a doctor, a person who deals with human beings and disease every single day, and for the first 3 years they tell me that I’m not allowed to get in contact with patients. Who the fuck makes up these stupid rules, ha ! So I’m currently at a phase where I hate studying Medicine.
Let’s see, what else is on my list of bitching, hmm. Ahh yes, what’s up with the weather ? One second the sky’s pounding down pebble-sized ice chips and then next minute the sun comes out to play. I went out to see a friend and the weather was fucking perfect, just a tad bit cold and everything was great for a walk. Suddenly it starts pissing rain like there’s no tomorrow >_>. Apparently it’s going to rain on Friday, the day of my beloved concert! You better not ruin Friday for me dear Lord, I mean, please don’t ruin Friday for me dear lord..:$.
Another thing I’m really pissed off at is take out junk food >_>! Jesus Christ I’m so sick of eating fucking burgers ! It’s the same poison every single day garnished with a new wrapper. Burger King, McDonald’s and all that diddly squat…I want my mommy’s cooking back !!! 😦 I swear it’s true what they say that you never know the price of something till it’s gone ! Mom bidi malfoof mishan allah !! 😦
I’m done >_> I have to get back to studying anatomy … MEH!
The word “if” is a conjunction comprised of merely 2 letters, but it’s power is massive. I’ve had my fair share of if’s in my life, whether I’ve used it to dream or to wish I did something differently. If is a word of imagination, hopes and unfulfilled desires. If is a word of resent to actions taken differently, situations handled bearing outcomes you wish you can change, only “if” you had done it differently. Although I’ve said it a million times, I always believe that at the end of the day, it’s always a lesson learnt. We do not have the power to change the past, but “if” we learn from our mistakes, then we don’t have to repeat the if. Sometimes if’s are impossible to accomplish, and we sit and repeat our if’s over and over again to no avail.
“If I were *blank*” is the title to this post because I’ve always wished some things could work out differently. No, it’s not because I’m not satisfied with the way my life is, I love who I am, but what I mean by “things” is events in the world today, that I could change if I were someone else.
1. If I were God :
If you’re expecting something as cliche’ as “I would rid the world of famine and hunger” then guess again. If I were God I would leave the world as it is, with it’s disease, wars, poverty and pain. I would not change anything, because it is we who have turned our life into what it is today. We are responsible for the hole in the Ozone Layer that’s supposed to protect us. We are responsible for turning jealousy and greed into wars. We are responsible for what we believe in and the way we live our life today. The only thing I would do if I were God is come down to Earth.
2. If I were a powerful, rich Arab leader :
If I were a powerful, rich Arab leader, especially from the 5aleej, I would stop pissing my money away building 12 star hotels that burn down because of a $20 million fireworks display, and start using my money to benefit mankind. One day, those lovely gentleman are going to go back to living in a tent and suckling on camel teets. There’s a million things you can do with a million dollars, other than building yet ANOTHER hotel in the middle of nowhere. Go build a city for people who don’t have homes. Instead of aiding Gaza by sending medicine, go build them a fucking hospital! You can afford 10 hospitals!
3. If I were Superman :
If I were Superman, I’d fly my girlfriend on my back and take her to the clouds :-).
God, Superman is such a cheesy character isn’t he ? I bet 90% of guys would use his X-ray vision to peek at girl’s undies :-P. His super powers to fight evil maybe ? I’d take a bullet in the eye just for the fun of it, hahaha!
If, if, if. It’s always an if in this world. We’re standing around doing nothing with the big heads stacking up the money piles at home. We’re standing around being selfish and inconsiderate while all we care about is who builds the biggest tower or who has the best religion. It’s all just a bunch of bullshit propaganda that brainwashes this human race into following a path drawn by those people with the money. Money is power, money is everything. Money can buy you material things, money can buy you people, money can even buy you countries, but you cannot buy me with money. Me, as in myself and other people like me. People who don’t dive into the system like a child diving into the shallow end of the pool, you’ll get hurt ‘ey ?
If YOU were *blank*, who would you be ? What would you do ? Who would you help ? Who would you hurt ? Tell me anything.