Category Archives: Random thoughts

Travelling thoughts.

I am a big fan of explosm.net and I’ve been viewing their comics ever since the first one came out in 2005. Today’s comic was one that awe-struck me. First, here’s the comic:

What’s weird is the conversation that had occurred a day earlier with my friend at a local cafe.

*Sitting next to each other smoking argeeleh and watching the TV that’s on MBC 4*

*The program goes to adverts and the “Kinder Bueno” ad comes up*

In the ad, the child is imitating his older brother’s every move and at the end of the advert, they’re sitting on the same couch when the child takes a “Kinder Bueno” out of shirt pocket and the older brother asks for a piece and the child hands it to him.

As I sat there, the old “Twix” commercial scans through my cortex really quickly.

Shadi: “Do you notice how different this commercial is from the Twix one?”

Friend: “How so?”

Shadi: “Well basically, Twix teaches you to be a selfish asshole while Bueno teaches us that sharing is caring.”

*Pause as friend scratches his head*

Shadi: “God damn fucking subliminal messaging.”

Seriously? Out of the billions of thoughts for a comic strip, explosm.net steals the joke right out of my head on the same exact day? Weird, no?

Which makes me wonder, is it mere coincidence or does everything happen for a reason?

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Filed under Caricature, Life, Myself & I, Oh my Philosophy, Random thoughts

My inner child – Writing II

Look at your wrist and read the time. If you’re not wearing a watch, look at one of the corners of your laptop/desktop and read the time. [It’s 5:54:10 PM as I write this.] Time, is what you just read. Now define time, in your own words. You can come up with the most pedantic definition ever, hence:

time (n.): A nonspatial continuum in which events occur in apparently irreversible succession from the past through the present to the future.

or a more philosophical definition such as:

time(n.): The period of hours, days, weeks, months or years separating one from his own extinction.

You can come up with whatever definition you want and you’ll still land straight on your ass trying to explaining it to a five-year-old child. “Why can’t we just divide the whole year into 365 & a quarter days and then start counting years every time that last quarter gives up?” Seriously, why can’t we? Chaos? The world is full of chaos everywhere we look. The random scatter of atoms constantly bumping into each other, turning solids into liquids and liquids into evaporating gases, you believe we are more organized than atomic particles and sub-particles?

Time is a system, within a larger system called life. A detailed spec of the surrounding chaos being bagged up individually to make our life seem like it means much more, or much less than it does. “It’s 6:30 AM, I have to head to the bathroom for my morning shower” to you might be a 5 minute snooze for your next door neighbor who can give less of a shit to personal hygiene. Why must be entangled by the basics that we grew upon to become drones, unaware of the beauty of a ticking clock, passing numbers that regenerate every 12 hours to give us the exact same pattern but change the ante to post meridiem (The Latin phrases corresponding to AM and PM respectively). Why do we overlook the real meaning of time, and substitute the magnificence of it by numbers corresponding to the sun rising and setting or the period in which we kneel down to pray or the sequence of series on your electron-emitting tube called a television.

Why does my biological clock alter when my time zones change? Why are people sleeping in China? Why can’t the whole world be awake when it’s just THAT specific time, regardless of what your night stand alarm clock says it is?

Time is of the essence. Time is money. Time is another term for rules, regulations and the ability for you and me to sleep and wake up when we are supposed to. Curfews, bed time stories, how long it takes to run to the supermarket and back. The real meaning of time we all miss. We are endeavored in our own little world that we forget to ask why, every single time, why does the sun rise from the East and why isn’t the earth rotating clockwise (Yes, the Earth rotates counter-clockwise towards the East and the sun rises from the East) but why is a flaming ball of chemical explosions the reason I tune my alarm clock to 6 AM every day?

Whether time is a period or a series of events, the next time you look at your alarm clock ask yourself why it rotates to the right, and why the number look so familiar.

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Filed under Myself & I, Oh my Philosophy, Random thoughts, Struggling with the unknown

In this time

We don’t appreciate anymore, not the big nor the small

We don’t appreciate anymore, not the young nor the old

We don’t appreciate the seasons, regularly bitching that it’s too warm or cold

We don’t appreciate the sky, the wind, the air we breathe

We don’t appreciate mother Earth, not knowing it bleeds

The ground we walk on, eroding under the pressure from our feet

You don’t see, we don’t see, you don’t see what I mean

The birds chirp, our iPods fade out mother nature’s music

It rains, we hide under a roof. Get wet, you say?

We don’t appreciate anymore, a walk in the street

We don’t appreciate anymore, we don’t see

In today’s world, three’s a crowd, and you want nations to come together?

Gaza, Haiti, people dying, buildings burst into flames, airplanes crash

We hear it on the news, we see pictures of the wreck and the flaming buildings

We go back to our regular lives, three days later, they live it constantly

You talk of coming together, when we don’t appreciate each other

“Bagez min a5oy!”, ma bidak itgez min wa7ad 3’areeb?

Family, means little to nothing anymore

Friends, an entity we find comes and goes

Unity, a term surpassed by self-dependency

Peace? You read it again and I laugh in your face

We know not what we know

We know not the East nor the West

We know not the sea or the land

We know not our homes, our soil, even ourselves

We constantly fight, fight, fight

We fight disease, evil spirits, fears

We learn not to accept the entities that are part of our daily lives, and then let them go

We continue to struggle, proving life a hardship it’s not meant to be

Live simple, accept that we live and we die

Before you unite with others, make an effort to unite with yourself

See yourself as one, not a schizophrenic collaborating all personalities but your own

Free your mind from the chains of commercialism and materialism

Free your mind from your own greeds

Free your mind from your own self

We don’t appreciate, you don’t appreciate, we don’t appreciate us.

world

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Filed under Myself & I, Random thoughts, Saving the world

Reflections of a medical student: Week 1

My first week as a 4th year medical student is almost over and I am sleep-deprived, exhausted, hungry and confused. Everything is new to me now that I started my clinical practice. This first week is basically 25 lectures covering a whole clinical examinations book. The 25 lectures are spaced out over 5 days where each lecture takes a little over an hour. The lectures are given by mean ass surgeons and doctors who basically don’t give a fuck whether we get the information or not. It’s a whole new experience. Not to mention that I’m now forced to dress formally to the hospital, shirt and tie and what not. Basically the reason I haven’t blogged in a week is because I wake up at 6:30 a.m. and shower, then go to school and attend lectures till 4 p.m. I write lecture notes at the speed of 1,000 words a second just to be able to catch up with the idiot who treats us like we’re actually physicians and require us to know every disease in the world. Fourth year is a busy, busy year with a huge amount of stress and responsibility. Not to mention my oh-so-kind-heart that additionally accepted an assistant research position with a few fellow medical students, where we’ve been working for 3 days on a Breast Cancer survey. Running around all over Irbid getting women over 40 to answer a questionnaire that takes almost 30 minutes to complete. I go home every night at almost 10 p.m, once even at 12:30 a.m. So basically, wake up at 6 and sleep at 11 pm with nothing in between but constant running around and cramming my brain with all sorts of physical examinations I’m going to perform on real patients this sunday throughout.

 The good thing though is, that through this hassle, I have little time to reflect on things that once kept me up all night. Sure, I have some free time but I spend it over with the guys to keep my head far, far away. As I write now, I reflect.

I know how much my posts have been depressing lately, and because of that I shall adopt the same thing I do while in class. When one of my depressing subjects come to mind, I just concentrate even more on what I’m doing (listening and taking down notes in that case) and allow my reflections to lie in my pages.

“I dream of a day…”

I wrote a whole lot more than the above quote, which is just the first 5 words of a paragraph I now flip into my yellow pages. I flip it back with my stained sheets, my letters ink-blotted by tears. I flip it back with my heart, my memories. I flip it back…

It’s impossible for me to fake a mood, be someone I’m not or fake a feeling I feel. It’s impossible, be it through my actions, my writings or my face. When I’m sad you can see it, and when I smile at you or make you laugh when I’m pissed off it’s because I flip my yellow pages again, and revisit them when I want to. I am who I am. I’ll never be a character I’m not, live a life I promised never to live, leave my morals or code behind. I flip it all back now…

Don’t be someone you’re not. Don’t live a lie. Don’t pretend that things are okay just to get through the day, because at the end of that day you’re going to end up alone, regretting that phone call you didn’t make, that offer you didn’t take, that message you didn’t relate. Wake up.

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Filed under Life, Personal, Random thoughts, The start '09

Ramblings of an insomniac: Número tres

Her smile I saw first, pearly whites aligned. A purple hoodie she had on, her arms wrapped around herself trying to keep some of that warmth she got from hugging the heater back home. Black army boots, stomping her foot showing her assertive side. As much as she hid herself from the world, she shone in mine. A tiny filament, with electricity running through her; she lit up my empty dark box. The girl in purple I called her then. The girl in purple, now my memories return.

She walked, head up, hair tied in a pony tail; “I’m not a girl, I’m a woman” it entailed. Milk white skin, a freckle here, a freckle there; just like memories in every star I told you, spread across the sky I stared as I went home. The rain would come, she’d hide out in the open space. Yes, she’d hide out in the open space, under the purple hoodie, arms tighter now, eyes up to God as she praises his blessing. Talks to the cloud, watches them cry. I look up and praise the Lord now, but now it does not rain so I cry.

Her notebook she clutches, tight to her bosom. Never late for class, her enthusiam alluring. Watches, learns and smiles. Those pearly whites, flash again so bright, I couldn’t take it; in a frame I hold it now. My box now filled, with purple, but my electric bills I have not payed yet. I fumble in the dark.

The corner,right under the trees. The reastaurant, at the end of the street. The lamp post at the end of that scary road. The pool table, a soda can on the side. The stationary shop, at the top of the stairs; I visited too much. I walk, I walk past.

Words, words are never enough. Actions, also never enough. Emotions, feelings, heart, mind, body and soul. Always and forever, enough.

I light 2 matches, the third I keep unlit. A sweater I put on, that sweet scent underneath.

Kiwi.

It’s 6:09 a.m. and I sit restless in this internet cafe typing away at a two dinar keyboard and listening to cheesy latin music. I couldn’t sleep, got up and walked. I couldn’t write, I was too angry to write. What was I mad about, I now forget. I count to 10, 20, 100 now. I count to a million and I see it all in purple. No red, no black, no pink, no white and no shades. Pure purple now I see. The weather outside is amazing. Watching the sun rise turning the sky an array of colors. Blue, pink, orange and yes, purple. I smile.

Princess.

I close my eyes now. [I actually did close my eyes for a second]. I see the freckles. I see the stars. I see.

The sun’s still shy.

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Filed under Personal, Random thoughts

Thoughts on the sofa-bed : Part II

It’s 5 a.m. and for the second day in a row, I cannot sleep. The same thoughts that crossed my mind yesterday, cross it as we speak and I share with you, my readers, part II of the sofa-bed thoughts, namely: “Happiness Within”.

For the past 3 months I’ve struggled with many things, and at the same time discovered many things. It has been a time of change, maturity and independence as well as a time of sorrow, sadness and pain. What does not kill you makes you stronger, but they forget to mention the part where it stings like a bitch. Yet here I am, happy although troubled; smiling although hurting. I am this way because I chose to be, I want to be. I am happy because I’ve discovered that you are happy when you are happy with who you are and what you do, not hung up on the whole world. You are happy when you chose to be. You smile when you chose to, it’s your face, is it not?

Happiness sprouts from within you and only you can control it. No one can make you happy, because no one owns your feelings. You are the proud owner of happiness, mercy, compassion, pleasure and love. You are the proud owner of greed, jealousy, sloth, rage and hate. You are the proud owner of feelings, good and bad. We all have both feelings inside of us and it is up to you to bring out what you want.

happiness-smile

I speak of happiness because I know what it’s like to be sad. I know what it’s like to chose feelings based on what happens around you, when you forget about yourself. Take a good look in the mirror and ask yourself a few questions. Am I breathing and alive? Do I have the minimum human needs of shelter, food, water and clothing? Has God blessed me with a brain to think right? Do I have friends and family, whether they’re in the 100’s or just 1? Seek happiness not in others, but in yourself. Look deep inside and ask yourself if you can be happy with who you are, not with what others want you to be.

My answer to all of the above questions is yes, and they should be for most of you that can fortunately use a computer and read this. It’s not the same for lots of people out there, but you are reading this right now with electricity in your house, food on your table and clothes on your back. You are reading this and thinking whether you are happy or not. You are reading this and at the end you will realize, that you all have the power to smile and be happy with yourselves.

Seek happiness in yourself, and only then can you live happily. For the married couple, for the people in relationships, for the people who are single. For those who await hope of new love, for those who await hope of rekindling an old flame, for those who await recovery of a broken heart, I say smile.

I was this close to crying, right before I went to get my laptop and write this post, but then I held my hand across my chest and asked myself the questions aforementioned. I await the future but I live the present, and I find happiness in myself. No amount of jealousy, anger or guilt will help me through my route. I sat and asked myself is Shadi was happy and he was. Are you?

[I might have repeated a lot of ideas throughout this post and I know it’s far from organized but give me a break it’s 6 o’clock in the morning.]

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Filed under Life, Personal, Random thoughts

Thoughts on the sofa-bed : Part I

For the first day since the start of this vacation, I spent yesterday without an internet connection. I slept out of the house and had nothing but a sofa-bed and my “no service” iPhone with me. For the first time also, since the start of this vacation, I couldn’t sleep for hours. I’m an extremely fast sleeper, it usually takes me less than a few minutes to fall asleep but for some reason, I had so many thoughts on my mind last night that I literally banged my head telling myself to stop thinking, but I couldn’t. I jotted some notes down on my phone, notes of self-motivation, notes to get me through the night.

It took me 4 hours to sleep, 4 hours of thinking that I can’t possibly share everything in one post, so I’ll start off with the first idea that I struggled with, namely: “Identity Crisis”.

beddinge-sofa-bed

I recently passed my last 2 subjects of my 3rd year of medicine [I think I passed psychiatry but my idiotic university website won’t facking open!] and have officially become a clinical med student. The next three years will consist of a critical transformation from a student into a physician and will require the upmost dedication from me. As much as that idea excites me it scares me even more. It scares me because I know that for the next 3 years I will do almost nothing but become a doctor. My entire life, I have been passionate about so many things, I can’t imagine just becoming one thing. I’m passionate about music and playing the guitar and now I know I can barely pick up Margaret again [guitars are girls!]. I’m passionate about basketball and the other day at the courts I almost passed out after playing the first game. I’m such a social person and the reason I fell in love with Amman this summer was because of the massive amount of activities that I took part in, concerts I went to and people I met. I met bloggers, musicians, co-workers, friends. Now I know that even though I have time to do things that I want on the weekends and what not, I will be dedicated to meeting more physicians, medical students and people of my field of work. I’m passionate about one girl, and I wonder how much time I’ll have to give for her. I’m passionate about changing my look every month, and now I know I have to look professional 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

Thought racing in my mind for the first hour, confusing and re-arranging plans and thoughts and hopes and dreams. Is it possible to be a professional and good physician and still have all those things I want? Still be all those things I want to be? Still be able to be the same person I am now. I know I’m going to become a more responsible, more independent man but at the expense of what?

I don’t want to make this post any longer because then most of you would be too lazy to read it, but I believe the above questions are more than enough to make everyone think ahead. Where do you see yourself in 10 years? Where are you going to end up in 10 years? What plans do you have now that you know you’re going to have to give up?

” As much as it hurts I will not give up. Not on you, not on me and certainly not on us.”

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Filed under Life, Personal, Random thoughts