My inner child – Writing IV

My inner child is the title to my last 3 posts for a reason. I started out believing that my inner child was the little boy who wanted to know everything, wanted to explore the world. The little boy who wanted to know how the ice-cream he enjoys is made, how my digestive system breaks it down to produce my love handles and how the man behind the counter could spend 365 days a year scooping up a ball of strawberry-flavored to place on my cone.

I came to realize, starting last week, after the enormous amount of stress from my exams and problems scattered here and there, that my inner child is also something else. My inner child is the little boy who’s scared when the room goes dark, when his mom travels away and he’s stuck in a house by himself. My inner child is the purest of hearts, betrayed by the cunning wolf to steal his lunch basket. My inner child is the most idiotic of them all, the one who believes life comes in an assortment of rainbows, unicorns and butterflies.

For what are we but children, mere children who walk on Earth. What are we but the embryos of an ever evolving and ever developing world. Cocoons that need years to grow into butterflies, but most of us emerge with no magic dust on our wings, to fall flat on your face. Others are swiped off the Earth as worms, by chirping early birds who first get their game. Who are we to not fear what we don’t know, to not be scared of a world that is not what it seems to be.

“I do not fear anything but God.” A statement that ticks me off, really makes my blood boil. You should be scared of what you don’t know, and before you fear nothing but God, take a good look around you and figure out what you do not know. I always used to be naive, as a child, thinking I’d always know everything. Times have changed, and what we know now is but the teachings of a school boy, a young ignorant child who first learns the colors of the rainbow, not knowing that what you see is mere junk to the colors that exist.

We all should be scared of everything around us. We should all fear the dark, the light, the sky and the oceans below. We should fear our neighbors, our friends, our enemies.

The little boy, the child, the potential senior citizen should mostly fear himself, for without fear of yourself, you will never appreciate what or who you are. You will never appreciate your maker, your destroyer and the path you are on. Fear yourself to ask yourself more, to figure out more about what goes on in your brain, your mind and your body. Ask yourself, who am I? Fear not that you will perish, but that you will perish not knowing who you are.


Filed under Myself & I, Oh my Philosophy, Personal, Struggling with the unknown

My inner child – Writing III

I’ve been going to the ER a lot lately, learning everything from how to suture patients, to Glasgow-Coma scales, to how to handle situations under pressure. We had a patient fall dead last night, when I was there after 2 AM. He came in with a cardiac arrhythmia and didn’t respond to shock. It wasn’t the first time I see a patient drop dead in front of me, but for some reason it made me think of how little appreciation we give to life.

Look around you, let the closest person to your heart pop into your head. Now imagine him dropping dead right in front of you, or in the room next to you. Imagine his very existence wiped from the universe. His soul begins to disintegrate into thin air. His body lunch for our friendly earth worm. His mind shot into a trance of, wait, nothingness? He’s supposed to float around waiting for the armageddon? Seriously?

We take our friendships, our relationships and our very own existence for granted every single day. I’m not talking about what we’re blessed with and I don’t want you to google Somalia. I want you to look inside of you and ask yourself the following questions:

  1. Who am I?
  2. Why am I here?
  3. What does being alive mean?
  4. Do you believe in a God?
  5. When you die, what happens to you?

Many of you will struggle from question number 1, and realize that many of us do not know our own self. Some of you will have no problem answering who you are, but will fall short of the answer to why you’re here. Why are we all here? Our purpose, be it constructive or destructive, means what?

When you’ve passed those questions, ask yourself what’s going to happen when you exist no more. Can you imagine your inner self, the person reading this, not being able to sleep on your bed, walk to the supermarket, or even use a laptop. Can you imagine your ability to exist be taken away from you? Do you truly believe you’re going to die and become a pile of patience to a road to paradise? A place where everything you need is handed to you on a silver platter? Or do you believe God, the almighty lover of human kind, is going to burn the fuck out of your skin and bones because you chose to disagree with a few of “his” 10 commandments?

How often do we get the chance to discover ourselves, on our own. Meditate into a world of the unknown, seeking our true purpose. We are not droids sent to work, eat and get fat waiting for the day that atherosclerosis clogs up a major artery and we drop dead, we are more than that. I don’t think I’m going to die and then wait 1,000 years while my energy, my soul floats around aimlessly killing time by doing nothing at all. If that’s the case then we’re all going to suffer really bad before we meet his holiness.

When was the last time you thought about what you did, who you are or what your purpose in this life is? If you haven’t try answering the above 5 questions properly. Tell me down in the comments what you answered, I’d love to know.


Filed under Oh my Philosophy, Struggling with the unknown

My inner child – Writing II

Look at your wrist and read the time. If you’re not wearing a watch, look at one of the corners of your laptop/desktop and read the time. [It’s 5:54:10 PM as I write this.] Time, is what you just read. Now define time, in your own words. You can come up with the most pedantic definition ever, hence:

time (n.): A nonspatial continuum in which events occur in apparently irreversible succession from the past through the present to the future.

or a more philosophical definition such as:

time(n.): The period of hours, days, weeks, months or years separating one from his own extinction.

You can come up with whatever definition you want and you’ll still land straight on your ass trying to explaining it to a five-year-old child. “Why can’t we just divide the whole year into 365 & a quarter days and then start counting years every time that last quarter gives up?” Seriously, why can’t we? Chaos? The world is full of chaos everywhere we look. The random scatter of atoms constantly bumping into each other, turning solids into liquids and liquids into evaporating gases, you believe we are more organized than atomic particles and sub-particles?

Time is a system, within a larger system called life. A detailed spec of the surrounding chaos being bagged up individually to make our life seem like it means much more, or much less than it does. “It’s 6:30 AM, I have to head to the bathroom for my morning shower” to you might be a 5 minute snooze for your next door neighbor who can give less of a shit to personal hygiene. Why must be entangled by the basics that we grew upon to become drones, unaware of the beauty of a ticking clock, passing numbers that regenerate every 12 hours to give us the exact same pattern but change the ante to post meridiem (The Latin phrases corresponding to AM and PM respectively). Why do we overlook the real meaning of time, and substitute the magnificence of it by numbers corresponding to the sun rising and setting or the period in which we kneel down to pray or the sequence of series on your electron-emitting tube called a television.

Why does my biological clock alter when my time zones change? Why are people sleeping in China? Why can’t the whole world be awake when it’s just THAT specific time, regardless of what your night stand alarm clock says it is?

Time is of the essence. Time is money. Time is another term for rules, regulations and the ability for you and me to sleep and wake up when we are supposed to. Curfews, bed time stories, how long it takes to run to the supermarket and back. The real meaning of time we all miss. We are endeavored in our own little world that we forget to ask why, every single time, why does the sun rise from the East and why isn’t the earth rotating clockwise (Yes, the Earth rotates counter-clockwise towards the East and the sun rises from the East) but why is a flaming ball of chemical explosions the reason I tune my alarm clock to 6 AM every day?

Whether time is a period or a series of events, the next time you look at your alarm clock ask yourself why it rotates to the right, and why the number look so familiar.


Filed under Myself & I, Oh my Philosophy, Random thoughts, Struggling with the unknown

My inner child – Writing I

We take the world for granted every day. Whether it’s people, or the mere fact that planet Earth is a viable enough medium for us to flourish in, we forget what matters, who matters and we never stop to ask “Why?”.

Why we communicate the way we do, or fail to. Why we drive to school or work every day. Why you can read what I’m reading and why my hands are typing figures that shape into letters that shape into words that shape into legible sentences that you can both read and comprehend. Why? Why can we do that?

All of you that are going “Pssht, it’s a habit.” have lost the “faculty of wonder”. That amazing inner child that smiles every time spring flowers bloom, not out of recognition of it’s beauty, but out of sheer amazement to the thawing of winter, thereafter the emergence of that beauty.

For the rest of you that have either stared at your screen, or your mouse, or just thought about the way life is, ask yourself the simple question of “Why?” and stop taking anything for granted.


Filed under I wrote this for you, Life, Myself & I, Saving the world

On Mother’s Day

On mother’s day, I simply say thank you to mom, for who she is and will always be, the jewel of my heart. I’d just like to share with you a little message I sent her at 12:00 a.m. For the first time, I tried my luck out writing something in Arabic, so don’t make fun of it.

تسعة اشهر حملتيني
على ظهرك لا حركة
لا افا ولا صرخة
وانا في بطنك يتوسع
علقة ثم مضغة ثم ايدي وأرجل
وبعد عناء خرج وهو يصرخ
فرحت بقدومي، سعدت بملاقاتك
أمي، انتي هي؟
ووضعتني على صدرك
وبالحليب الدافء اطعمتني
احبك كثير الحب
انتي قلبي وحياتي

To every mother out there, every girl who wishes one day to be a mother, I say Happy Mother’s Day 🙂 may you all stay blessed.


Filed under Life

On #B4JO & Web Censorship

Blog for Jordan day

When I first thought about what to write for B4JO day, I got a complete writer’s block. I thought I’d write about censorship and the new law’s effect on what we have to say. Our inability to explicit freedom of speech in so much as a twitter update. Our very own Jordan blocking us from expressing what we like and what we don’t about this country? This has been our thing, as far as I know. “Bidna nel3an #$% el 7okome!” and so forth and so on…let’s not get carried away shall we :P. So when it comes to web censorship, I believe we should all thrive to claim our rights on the matter. How else would we speak out on the failure of our government to apply more strict laws on honor killings? How many more women should be brutally stabbed to death before our voices can be heard? How else will be bitch about corrupt officials? Or simply about paying more attention to our citizens’ rights. Everything that the internet claims to be, a mass communication between ourselves, our government and the whole world, will be shot down by web censorship, and I want my voice and all our voices, to be heard.

I’m a 20 year old medical student, with a heart full of Jordan. I’ve been living alone here in Jordan for the past 4 years, and I have to admit, this country has shaped me up from a high school boy to what I am today. Here, in Jordan, I found lots of things, both good and bad. Blog for Jordan day shouldn’t only be about telling everyone out there how amazing our country is, because we sorta do that all the time. What we should also be concerned with is the opinions on the inside. If something isn’t broken, or you don’t know it’s broken, no one’s going to try and fix it.

Jordan is more like a huge canvas, one that has had a significant number of marks painted upon it. Whether we’re talking about it’s superb military intelligence, our culture or the astounding number of new talents arising every day, we all have to admit that our country is getting a good view from outside. Examples are many, notably the movie “Hurt Locker”, which was filmed mostly in Amman winning many Oscars to Samih & Hussam’s Maktoob being acquired by Yahoo or whether it’s our famous Petra being a world wonder. Many and many examples I can give to how our country is something to really be proud of.

Jordan has many ups and downs, and we try to live and adapt accordingly. Whether it’s the price inflations that lower income making families suffer from, to the new laws that govern us completely insensibly, we have a lot to complain about. What has happened to the world when I can’t go online anymore and tell the mayor of my city that the roads are a mess and they should get to cleaning them up. Or when I can’t argue about who’s governing my own country. As fellow blogger Dee said, this is bound to create a revolution.

At the start of this post, I thought I as going to turn all cliche’ Jordan, and talk about the freshly baked bread and Humus in the morning, walks down Rainbow street or hanging out in Leweibdeh. I realize how beautiful my country is, a country where I have learnt to miss and love as much as I miss and love my parents. A country where I fell in love with an amazing woman. A country that I’m currently being taught how to become on hell of a physician. I know how many beautiful things Jordan has, but I think it’s time we all learnt to point out what’s wrong and fix it, before we can boast ourselves as being an amazing nation.

With all my love to the people of Jordan, and to everyone who holds Jordan deep within their hearts, wear your sham3′ high and mighty, high and mighty…


Filed under Jordan

“Shit just hit the fan.”


Filed under Welcome