The outcome

We live in a world where money means everything. Whether you’re a believer of doing good, volunteering or doing something because you love it or whether you’re a believer of cold stone business, both parties know where the “dough” is at. Is it fair ? No. Can you do anything about it ? No. The harsh conditions that life has bestowed upon every living creature are only getting harder, and it will always revert back to Darwin’s theory of survival of the fittest. What some people might automatically assume is that I’m a mother f**ker and I only care about material things, which isn’t true. I do my share of volunteer work and I love it, and I won’t stop. The other day I was over at my friend’s house in Amman and we were discussing this new business he just entered called “Quest”. Apparently it’s a marketing thing that’s supposed to make you a lot of money, proof was shown to me so no, it’s not a scam. It got me thinking, for what ?

I often find myself split into two separate humans. The one that believes and does all things according to a set of moral laws that I’ve built myself upon (not saying they’re perfect, but I try), versus the materialistic, opportunistic Shadi that knows the world is a bit** and only by being tough, strong and offensive will we ever get to where we want to be. Not to generalize, but look out there at the examples in every day life. The undeniable text book example of the honest, hard-working man versus the cunning businessman is right there in front of each and every one of us. We often brush it off and say the guy got “lucky” and the hard working man “ta3ees”, but why don’t we all just quit kidding ourselves ? When are we going to wake up and admit that being a mother f**ker is way more profitable than being an honest-working man. I’ve seen it in my personal life, and yet I refuse and cannot imagine myself crossing into the, let’s call it, other side. The other Shadi that knows quite well how different it is if he crossed over.

No, I’m not just talking about work or money. I’m talking about everything in this life. Friendships, relationships, work, studying and so forth… The undeniable truth is as evident as white on rice. Some of you are going to say : “No Shadi, that isn’t right. Are you saying there’s no good left in this world ?” My answer to you is no, there is good left in the world, but there’s a saying that goes “الكثره تغلب الشجاعه” which translates to “numbers outweigh courage”. As much good as there is in this world, the bad is so much more and so much more overpowering. Do I believe that in the end, those who do good will go to Heaven, or whatever other belief you believe in, yes I do. But I also know that us human beings are greedy. I learnt the 5 basic human needs back in the 9th grade when I took my first economics class. I later learnt the 5 billion human wants. I learnt about investments, money, monopolies, banks, futures and life. I learnt that in my little fairy tale land that I still live in till today, things don’t come that easy. You can’t work in total honesty and get everything you want out of life. The beautiful car, the beautiful house, the amazing garden, the two kids in the best schools and colleges with the perfect wife and arranged existence. No. You have to sacrifice one for another. My parents put me in the best schools and bought me the best of things and now we don’t have a place we call a house. We have a home, cause home is where the heart is, but my dad’s been working for 30 years with only his 3 sons to show for it. I’m not saying that’s a bad thing, in his and our eyes that’s more than enough, but I bet that my dad didn’t only dream of that 25 years ago. I bet he dreamt of having a house in Amman that he could go home to every summer. I bet he dreamt of that perfect garden with his lovely wife (I love you mom :)) by his side sipping mango juice and watching his grandkids wrestle in the front yard. Instead he works Fridays till 8 pm to invest even more into his 3 sons.

Life is not a joke, nor is it a plan. Life is a time limit set in advance, with your date of birth and death already accounted for. Life is a forest of trees and shrubs with an only close view of what lies ahead. Life will show you things you never expected. Life will bring you down, tear you apart, crush your dreams, destroy your plans, but you will stand tall. Everyone of you SHOULD stand tall. We take the scars, the pain, the sacrifice. We muster the courage, the spirit, the hope, the never ending will power to live our lives not the way we planned but in the best way that we can. We build bridges where our road crosses valleys. We swerve were pot holes lie. We break where the road ends, when we die.

When we die, we break, switch it off and for the duration of that light at the end of the tunnel we look back and say we tried. We don’t regret not stealing, cheating, working dishonestly. We take pride in our sacrifice, our will to live the best life we can the best possible way we knew how to. The moral of the post is not to tell you that we have to be mother fu**ers to live in this world, but to show you that those people stand at the end of the tunnel and wear shades towards the light. They don’t look back, smile or say I was a good person. The last thing that goes through their mind is the first thing that went out of ours, dishonesty and mistrust.

If I can be any person in the world, I would be my dad. I would be the person who gave everything to ensure that the life of his flesh and blood be better than the life he himself lived. To teach them along the way that even though you might be tempted into distrust and deviance, not to think twice before turning it down. To instill a memory so deep it would stay in our generations and possibly every other generation forever. I can easily cross to that other side, easily become what I’ve always seen people become. I stand my ground, for I know what the outcome shall be. I don’t see it in terms of Heaven or Hell, nor in terms of the future or the past. I live in the present because I am the present. I am neither the future nor the past. I don’t care about what has gone because my timer has not stopped, He’s still counting the time. I don’t look too far into the future because I will forget to look at the present and I will fall into that valley, smash into that pot hole or forget to break.

Take life on the right lane. Keep it slow but not slow enough to bore you to death. Keep it fast but not fast enough to miss out on the glories of being a human being. Take life on the right lane and watch the people on the pavement, the people on the curb, the heaven in the sky and the bumps in front of you. Take life on the right lane and thank God for every breath you take.