Ramblings of an insomniac: El número dos

It’s 6:35 a.m. and I’m awake. It’s always more satisfying when I share some of my thoughts online because I know that out there someone who reads this is feeling the same way and he’s smiling because someone understands him. Someone else is feeling better and he’s smiling because he’s got nothing to worry about. Someone else is feeling worse, and he’s [damn you Farah, now I give a crap] she’s out there not smiling for she sees my problems are mere trifles to her own. To each one of them I say shit happens, we’ll all learn [or should learn] to move on.

I’m at peace with myself, finally. I’m at peace with the world. I’m at peace with my family. I’m at peace with my anger, hate, regret, love, happiness, forgiveness. I’m at peace with everything because I am what I am. I have changed but not into someone I’m not, I’ve changed into the person I always saw myself as. I’ve changed, or yet I’ve gone back to Shadi. Each one of you has looked into a mirror and said, “Hey, is this really me?” Each one of you has questioned his/her identity, and each one of you has answered that question with his/her own answer. We are who we are and in my opinion the hardest question you can ever ask someone is, “Can people change?” People are people, we are who we are and deep down inside we are all good people, some of us just lose their identity along the way.

We sway to the rhythm, we go with the flow and sooner or later we end up were we don’t want to be. The day you realize who you’ve become and the day you understand that you are who you are, is the day you grow. Grow out of the cocoon of ignorance that you’ve all grown into. I don’t mean to generalize but at one point or another, we’ve all been there. I’ve looked in the mirror plenty of times and asked myself the question you’ve probably all asked yourselves, “What the hell was I thinking?” None-the-less we are mere mortals and yes, we all make mistakes. We all sway to the rhythm and we all follow the rainbow but we have yet to believe that the pot of gold is not at the end.


“I am what I am”, a phrase I’ve held deep in my heart for so many years, and yet drifted apart from for so many years. A phrase that I pass to you to cherish and understand every person you’ve ever hated, gotten angry with, had a fight with, disliked or just not gave a damn about. We are who we are and we live and die the exact same way. You can’t change who you are but you can control what you’ve become.

It’s a time to let go. It’s a time to let go of all the sadness, the hurt, the guilt, the pain. It’s a time to let go of the hate, the dislike, the fighting. It’s a time to believe that all people are good no matter what they do or say. You see a person do wrong you don’t judge him, for he may have strayed. Remember that inside you, you have also strayed, and would you like it if you were judged? “Do unto others as you would like to be done unto you.” You hate, you will be hated. You hurt, you will be hurt. It’s a time of self-recognition to who we really are, just humans. We’re all born the same, yet some unfortunate enough to be defected, some fortunate enough to be millionaires. Makes you doubt life and it’s fairness, but we’re all born for a reason.

In the past month I’ve heard so many problems from so many friends that I sometimes just feel like changing the world and helping them all out when I know I can’t possibly do everything. I don’t care what you think but I am going to change the world. Everyone one of us has the ability to change the world and everyone of us is going to change the world. The world is a big ball of string and we’re all connected. We’re all connected and we all change what this world is and is going to be. Plumbers, when you fix a broken sink, you change the world. Sweepers, when you pick that pack of cigarettes off the ground, you change the world. Architects, when you build a house, you change the world. Programmers, when you write a program to measure damages due to economic disasters, you change the world. Doctors, when you save a life, you change the world. [I don’t have enough space to write out every career in the world but you get the general gist of how this goes on], but we all change the world. A doctor’s job is not better in any way than a sweeper, and if you think that then you can leave this blog right now. Our world is one giant connected web that is spun by us, mere humans. Sure, some bits get untangled and fall apart but no such web is perfect.

I reach out to every one of you and ask you to put your troubles away, if for one day, and look only at yourself. Look at yourself and tell yourself that you are what you are, and if you don’t like what you’ve become then work on yourself. If you cannot be happy with your own self, you will make all those around you just as miserable as yourself.

Tip of the day: If you can’t seem to shake your troubles aside and think only about yourself, when you’re done with this post pick up a piece of paper, and on it write everything that’s going through in your head. Fold it, and put it aside and only read it when you’re done thinking about yourself.

We owe it to ourselves to realize who we are and not get lost in our own identities.

“I am what I am”



Filed under Life

15 responses to “Ramblings of an insomniac: El número dos

  1. Ali

    I am what I am and who doesn’t like it can screw himself, I don’t give a rats ass.

    Thanks Dr.Phil !!

    No seriously, Another post that i adore from your lately amazing posts 😀

  2. My line has always been “let me be” now I’m trying to think of correlation with yours. This was inspiring, well-put, and brilliant! People say I live in my own bubble of a perfect world, I’m going to direct all of them to your post. Cheers from another insomniac hehe.

  3. we are who we are and deep down inside we are all good people, some of us just lose their identity along the way.

    We sway to the rhythm, we go with the flow and sooner or later we end up were we don’t want to be
    … thats very nice sentence but i doubt it.. some ppl are born bad for real… u feel ther black hart from far ..
    ther is nothng better than feeling peace with our selves ands its an equasion, ther will always be some unlogical actions was taken by us, and ppl we hurt along the life journey,
    my point is saying iam what iam .. gives us some kind of an excuse for our ununderstandable actions, feeling bad about our selves can push us to a better person , our personality shapes from our mind growth when u are 20 its not the same when u are 30
    i beleave in change

  4. I’ll quote Ghassan Knafani here: ” لا تصدق أن الإنسان ينمو. لا. إنه يولد فجأة: كلمة ما، في لحظة، تشق صدره على نبض جديد، مشهد واحد يطوح به من سقف الطفولة إلى وعر الطريق.”
    You’ve reached a similar conclusion, thus I salute you! A great mind Ghassan was, and here I see another!

    *If you want to read the full article (which is amazing) here is the link:

    Since there is still daylight, and I’m in the no thinking/talking mood :P, I’ll share yet another quote.
    “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine as children do. It’s not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own lights shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
    This is from the movie “Coach Carter” for “Samuel L. Jackson” I think it speaks my mind better than I could at the moment!!

    Now, Keep on shining 🙂 🙂

  5. KJ

    Thank you my friend for sharing this

  6. Zuzik: If you read the post before this one you would have read a line that said “we are born wet,naked and crying” and that means we are all born innocents into this world with the purest of heart and minds, just like God intended us to be [that’s what I believe at least]. We grow to be evil/good because of our actions, decision and environment, nothing else. Saying I am what I am is not an excuse, I’m not saying that you can do something wrong and say “Yeah, well this is who I am”, it means that you are the person you are and changing happens on the outside,and your reaction towards life, not inside you. When I was 14 I thought I’d be different than I was 20 and when I’m 30 I know I’ll be the same person deep down inside. I never said I don’t believe in change, but it’s a perspective of what change is.
    Zeina: Thank you for the compliment 🙂 love hearing that every once in a while, especially from a person as smart as yourself. I knew that quote from the first line, I loved that movie, it was very motivating! I shall keep on shining and I hope that you will do that too.
    KJ: I told you, my posts have embedded messages to everyone close to me and it’s a matter of perspective. Glad you enjoyed post. Call me when you’re done with homework. Kay, Bai.

  7. I wasn’t laughing all the way through Chimmie! 😛

    But yeah this is a nice post, I really like it.

  8. u are right, its true about the naked thing we are all born pure and then shaped by our experiances in life.. so the question is what if our experiances made us become bad and twisted , some ppl they have twisted mind , but yet they dont know that.. they think they are still butt naked… cos few ppl who look back and confess to them selves .. we are rarley honest with our selves … , sense we are children our parents brain washed us with ideas like u are a good person u are better than others .. dont be like others … and this ideas doesnt teach us equality and the respect for others … iam a jordanian guy and i think most of jordanian ppl realy have bad manners … i cant stay for five minutes in a public place with out hear someone swearing at other person sister..
    we need a profound change… ther is something wrong with our inner peace..
    iam not opposing what u said .. its just a conversation ..

  9. great post my friend.. keep on “rambling” … 🙂 and thanks for the tip. 🙂

  10. Zuzik: I know and I love someone discussing something with me rather than just saying it was a nice post. You’re right, we in Jordan have gotten used to the “swearing” and we do it all the time, but that doesn’t mean I’m a bad person. It’s a habit and habits make us seem worse than we really are. You want to talk about how Jordanians are bad it’s just general manners and attitude, not really just the swearing.
    Historian: I shall ramble away lots more till the end of this month. You’re welcome, hope it helps a good number of people, I know it’s helped me.

  11. methgal

    kol had ya rajol offf offf estana bas ahoofk 😛

  12. thanx for being patiance man, i didnt justify you,
    ur blog is good, and ur mind flow nicly, u have the ability to write and inspire ppl ..

  13. على رغم من ان الدنيا ما فيها خير و لكن ثقتي بك كبيرة في تغيير الدنيا. الله معك. شرفنا
    ps. I have no clue what the photo refers to, but I thought it was hilarious 🙂 it reminds me of a comic I used to read a while ago called “toothpaste for dinner”

  14. I guess its time for me to finally put a comment on this blog especially after 2 blogger friends of mine recommended me to keep an eye on you.

    Thanks for the post especially the key phrase “It’s a time to believe that all people are good no matter what they do or say”

    I believe that all the problems in the world is because of 2 things:
    1- misunderstandings
    2- bad intentions or thinking -vely of the other

  15. Methgal: Can’t wait to see you again dude, meshtaglak!
    Zuzik: Thank you for the compliment.
    Tony: Thank you. The image has no relation with the post I also just thought it was hilarious! Haha.
    Hamza: Thank you for finally commenting and thank those 2 bloggers too.

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